i feel as though im drowning

disappointing truth

the truth is sometimes so hard to hear
but i need to hear it
i cant expect you to fix my problems
i can only expect you to love me
when you come back on thursday
i wont ask much of you
i wont expect you to be perfect
beacuase i know youre only human to
i love you.
i cant wait.

this reminds me of you

here in your arms - hellogoodbye

"I like where we are,
When we drive, in your car
I like where we are.... Here

Cause our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here

Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
Whisper's 'Hello, I've missed you quite terribly'
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

I like where you sleep,
When you sleep, next to me.
I like where you sleep... here

Our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here

Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
Whisper's 'Hello, I've missed you quite terribly'
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

Our lips, can touch
Our lips, can touch...here

You are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's 'Hello, I've missed you quite terribly'
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

You are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's 'hello I miss you, I miss you'
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

Here in your arms.
Here in your arms."

3:22 <3

it is now 3:22 and im finally going to bed

i stayed up talking to brandon..

we taked for over 5 hrs... wow...

it was worth it.

hehe

xx

run away

im just so sick of this,

i cant keep running away from everything that hurts

i need change.

i need to be free.

i need to learn how to fly again.

im not pretending.
if i dont know how you feel about her then tell me.
how do you feel about alice?
mhm.
dont tell me to get over it,
i cant get over it.
just like you cant stop hating her
except i have actually real reasons to hate you.
and dont tell me to get over myself.
steph i hate myself more than you could ever understand.

steph.

i dont know why i was ever friends with you.
you can be such a horrible person.
you cant just hate people for no reason.
you can form oppinions about people you dont know.
you dont know alice cause youve never tried.
i hate you so fucking much.
why do you do this?
why the fuck are you so immature...
just get over it
stop playing your little fucking games in your head and wake up.
and when you do,
come back and say sorry to all the people you have hated for no reason
and maybe say sorry to all those guys you used too.
bye till then.
ps. im not a whore. though i try my best for you. xx

mitchelldavis//owl city

haha so i watched all the videos mitchell davis has made, i was so bored.

now i feel like lestening to owl city, so i am.

"cheer up and dry your damp eyes, and tell me when it rains"

oh god there i go... im crying

fuck i cant even listen to this with out thinking of you.

sorry about what i said earlier,

im still not sure if i ment it or not.. i did...

but i didnt.

i dont know.

as usual.

mm.

alice

for you i try my very best to be happy,

you make me happy.

its just some other things in life that bring me down.

xx

i dont even know what to say.

i guess you

maybe may have...

ruind

my

day.

mm.

why does it have to be like this?!

i never want to see you ever again.

lists

a while ago i made a disturbiing list of things i hate, mostly things about hating who i am.

but i think i need to make a list fo things i love...

be a little bit more positive, you make me positive.

love you

I. HATE. YOU.

you cant do this.

but if you really want ill try my best to get hit by a car.

and then ill be dead,

just like youve allways wanted,

but dont forget youl have to live with it forever...

bye.
I. HATE. YOU.

bathrooms

i hadnt done it in over 2 weeks.
i had told myself i didnt need it so many times.
but when i saw you i collapsed inside.
i dont know why but i did.
and it hurt.
and thats all i could do.
i hate myself...
i allways blame myself for everything...
were you happy before you met me?

first impressions...

i dont think i have ever been more scared.
there eyes watch me as i walk in,
there faces content with judgement...
have i made the right impression, did i say hi the right way...
or will there first impressions condem me,
change my life forever?
just be me.
me...
who is me?

i miss you

you know some times you really scare me

i know we dont talk much anymore but

i dont know what i would do if you left.

i would probably be one of many to follow.

i really miss you,

and just like i talk about her alot

i talk about you alot too

i really do love you.

you tell me not to worry

but sometimes that just to hard.

i wish i could help you...

but you wont let me

and i dont think i could if i tried

but i still think your an amazing person...

xx

thunder storm

THUNDER STORM!
i love thunder and lightning...
except now its to wet to go outside and have a cigg..
i am not happy.

tehe

i want to go parachuting with you...

for steph

is that....?

blog song

BAHAHA I CAN SEE JACK!!

oh how i love stealing o'neal...

rumour - stealing o'neal

whining

you have no idea how much i care.
you really dont.
i care alot.
just i hate it when you dump things on me.
i have problems to and i cant deal with yours aswell.
that why i dont tell you things.
im nice enough to not dump my life on your shoulders.
im never going to go out with him.
and i doubt you will either.
thats the truth
and if your going to kill yourself over that.
well clearly your life cant be that bad.
coz i can think of worse things than that.

katie

going through your photos made me cry
i miss you
i miss you so bad
and now i cant even say sorry cause youre in another state
i dont even understand why i was angry
you kinda just faded me out
i understand that you have a life
but i allways hoped that i would be more a part of it...
i guess you just disapeared when i needed you the most
i cant help but think what it would be like if you didnt change the plans
that time you were going to see me and help
would life be different?
would life have slid down hill like it has?
and then those thoughts come
and i start to blame you
when really none of it was your fault
i cant blame you
youve had a hard time to.
i just wanted you to know that i miss you
and i love you
and im writting it here even though you wont see it.
im sorry.

haha oh ryan..
its ok you will have your pink fluffy hand cuffs soon!
hehe ;)
MISSS YOUUU
and yes i love you ryan, you mean the world to me...
hahahha
xx

not about who you think steph.

"Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters in our brains as parachuting, bungee jumping, and running."

JUST FRIENDS

why is it so hard for you to believe
that i dont want to be everyones girlfriend?!
am i not allowed to me just friends with guys?!
and i cant get anyone i want!
grow up.
and dont steal my pictures.
its annoying.
maybe this is why i hung out with alice all hollidays
cause i dont want to hear you whining.

brighter - paramore

this song reminds me of you...

So this is how it goes
Well I, I would have never known
And if it ends today
Well I'll still say that you shine brighter than anyone

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

Well this is not your fault
But if I'm without you
Then I will feel so small
And if you have to go
Well always know that you shine brighter than anyone does.

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

If you run away now,
Will you come back around?
And if you ran away,
I'd still wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright.

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

I'll wave goodbye (You shine bright)
Watching you shine bright (You shine bright)
I'll wave goodbye tonight (You shine bright)

truth

thats not true.

i love you and i will never ignore you.

am i not allowed to have more than one friend?

you did the same thing with georgia mckay.

thats the truth.

love you baby.

alone

i think i need you.

i need you when i want to be all alone...

dont leave me on my own.

ONLY THREE MORE DAYS!!!

i dont have anything to write about... oh wait....

ALICE IS BACK ON FRIDAY!!! phew

fuck yes

and not to long untill the holidays

and i never have to sleep

and i can be free

and get as high and as drunk as i want
and i can go out no matter what hour of the day or night it is

and i get to stay with alice

and fuck yes.... meet brooke :D love you!

and then i never have to go back to plc again!

i. cant. wait.

bus boy

you're not online...
and you didn't reply to my txt earlier...
D:
please answer me
and tell me you love me
because i love you.
xx

change

this blog needed a change and so do i...
mm

i hate it its so white and calm looking,

i like the black but whatever...
ps. sorry that was you go back there will be strange

black cornered photos and hidding white text...

stephanie symington

why do you allways do this to me!?!
fuck you steph.

life as a house

Life as a House = AMAZING

yet depressing

and insperational

ALL AT ONCE.

bleed myself dry for you

and just like he died on the cross

she bleeds to save her friends.

she sets them free.

she bleeds so they dont have to.

rush of blood to the head

im gonna buy a gun and start a war,

if you can tell me something worth fighting for...

happily ever after

i thought you were different...
but youre exactly the same.
and finally its come to the tragic end i allways predict,
but i wasnt ready this time.
i wasnt prepared.
you caught me with my walls down,
unable to protect myself,
you caught me off guard.
so let the tears roll,
and the blood flow
as i try to forget.
i give up...
goodbye.

not bye

im so confused
the things you say hurt...
but the things you wont say are killing me.
should i believe you...
or not believe you
im not sure but i hope you dont.
i dont understand you because you dont explain.
no one can read your mind...
you have to explain.
please explain.
and im not saying bye 'cause i know i will see you again.
please dont do anything.
i know that if you do
i wont be far behind...
i trust you.
and i love you.
xx

regret

i knew eventually you would be sick of this,

you would be sick of me not talking

and feeling shit all the time.

this is where i start to regret.

this is why i used to hide it.

breathe....

major panic mode for a bit there...
so go to get my blades...
they werent where i usually have them
i started to panic
so for about 20 minutes i balled my eyes out as i searched my floor...
hyperventalating i crawl back onto my bed and check if they are in there again...
they were.
thank god.

mm

i dont know what i want anymore.

the breakfast club

Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.
i so want to watch the breakfast club right now...
hehe :D

pack man

now you, you make me weak in the stomach,
and by the sounds of it i make you nervous too...
hehe

elizabeth webber

you follwed me to the bathroom..

you stalk my fb somehow..

i deleted you... wtf...

you are lucky i didnt have any sharp objects.

i would have done it right then and there...

or i could have turned on you.

i just wanted to go have a cigg....

fuck you.

dont tell me you love me cause you know i dont want you to,

and im just going to do my best to make you hate me.

ha, you should have seen my face as you hugged me...

xx

different place in his presence

these words used to set me free
they intoxicate me now
no longer are they my form of relief
i am no longer free
the words they sing, scream out
make me feel trapped and scared
i hate god
i used to pray for moments like that
wanted them so bad
where i could go down the front and let go
i used to fall to my knees
because of his awsome power
now i fall to my knees in shame
to weak and hopeless to stand before you
his love is gone and i hate it
his words hurt my ears
this place pulls me apart
there is no joy
no freedom
only pain
pain i will never forget.

sharp objects

i left them at home.
i cant take this.
i cant take not having the option.
it just makes me want to do it more.
let me bleed.

when not if

when i slit my wrists, then will you understand?

behind my back

stop being so two faced.
if you like me, like me.
if you dont, then dont.
if you find it gross, dont read it.
im sorry that im sick.
i cant help it.
i dont care what you think of me.

you too.
if anyone is self obsessed its you.
dont you dare i say i have nothing to kill myself over.
you just dont see it cause youre
to caught up in your own problems.
open your eyes and see youre not the only one.

tell me

how would you know that?
i do no such thing.
maybe i want you to tell me.
i want to know the truth.
so it doesnt hurt me later.
if you dont want to hurt me then tell me.

lies

well if you had shit to say back.

then say it.

i want to know.

stop the secrets.

stop hidding.

oh and have fun bitching about me on sunday.

i thought you were my friends.

fuck.

i regret this.

im sorry.

i fucked up as usual.

im sorry i was just angry.

i hate it when you say shit like that.

you make it out like i have everything.

i dont.

accept it.

mm...

am i really just some kid to you?

you

i feel like im losing you.
maybe youre allready gone.
maybe we're all lost in this mess we call life.
im scared.

its like youre there but i cant see you...
i wish you could hold me.
please stop the bleeding.

bloody pages

in my notebook,
on two of the pages,
two very blood stained pages,
somewhere under those blood stained pages it says...

I START TO WONDER...
AM I TRUELY
INSANE?
THIS CANT BE NORMAL.

to lilly and ellen.

i love you.
these tears,
this blood.
this is how much i love you.
believe it.
and never forget it.
because i will never forget the love you showed me.

remember the feeling

remember when we were happy?when we danced in the sun... when we went out together...
when we got sent home from parties by annoying leaders... had late night photography sesions!
when we went shopping together...

remember those times,

and never forget them.

brooke

i love brooke kingsly.
she is beautiful.
and and and..
shes awsome at drawing.
and i um.
i love her personality
and i cant wait to meet her the hols.
oh and your creepy friend.
hehe.
LOVE YOU

slut

"wow look at her boobs!" - amelia

hahaha

ps. i only upload my pictures so brooke can

save them to her desktop :)

body image

self portrait

miss you

hehe i got bored...

eww it made my face all pixelated. :I

everythings more fun with your hands in the air!

this reminds me of alice

i love alice murray

xx

imagination

i streched out my arm as i was watching tv before...
all of a sudden i started thinking about what it would be like to slit it open. then i imagined blood going every where.
it was a strange moment.
i think i need a ciggarette.

ok

:I

love youuu

other two drawings. just for you brooke....
haha one of them looks angry and confused and the other has one eye :I

xx

200th post

200th post.
its going to be ok brooke, because

i love you

i love you

i love you

ps that was 200 i love you's

pps i had to delete some cause it was taking over my blog, haha. xx

infected

eww festy...

i dont think scabs are ment to have a yellow tinge

and what the fuck it that clear liquid ooozing out.

:O ohh god...

tehe

hehe
as if you work there.... :P
lov u

tyre swing

i wasnt even looking for a picture like this...

lilly :(

who i am

this is what i do when im home sick.