im not sure if i can be bothered with my blog anymore.
maybe ill be back in a little while.
i think my thoughts are best left secret. goodbye.

for once in my life im telling the truth.

i know the truth,
and i lied to him,
to cover some bitches ass,
i dont even know why,
i hate her with every bone in my body,
he deserves to know the truth,
he deserves better.
i sacrificed everything for someone i hate,
i serously hurt one of my closest friends,
someone who would never hurt me,
i feel so bad.
i just didnt want anyone to get hurt.
i didnt want him to get hurt.
but you were right,
i wouldnt have cared if you got hurt,
you could almost go as far as to say...
that maybe, i would enjoy it,
im going to tell him the truth,
n0t because i want to hurt you,
but because im sick of lying.

has had a good but eventful and very emotional weekend.
these are definately the people i want to spend the rest of my life with.

pumped for the weekend. :D
life is good.

i told you she hadnt changed,
she will never change. ever.

i want to be numb all over.
i want to stop hurting.

chip rolls, black nail polish and golden orchid ftw.

you have no idea how sorry i really am baby.

i love you, i wish i never met him.

i love you so fucking much and i had a lovely weekend.

i honestly cant believe i was that fucking drunk.
its really wierd trying to remember what happend.
i honestly have no clue.

i wish that you could just be civil towards me.

cara

when she walks, she never looks back,
like she knows exactly where shes going
and everyone eles is just following.

im glad its changed.

apparently this is the person i am.
"Just really small minded and pretty
much just all talk, she isn't half the
person people think she really is."
oh yeah, defs thanks for that.
if she wants me to punch her i can.

some random is following my blog,
hi girl i dont know :D

i really do wish that i never let him go.

im sick of being that girl.
never again.
i hate these secrets.
i need to let it all out.

oh god oh god oh god oh god.
fuck oh god, this is not good.

i want a tatoo...

had a good day today.

ive made a new friend :)

i must say shes pretty fucking awsome.

then spent the rest of the day freezing.

but i was freezing with the people i love,

so its all good.

the my fag muffin georgia mckay,
off to have an adventure in the city,
no drnking for georgia this time. haha.

listening to the songs we did in queensland,

at the time i thought it was hell,

being away from my friends for the holidays,

but looking back now,

they are good memories,

even though those times were tough,

we still managed to get along, to smile.

i love the way these times make me feel.

and the dramas repeat themselves one friend after the other. oh god.

i havent felt this alive for a very long time.

you blame us,
but you brought this upon yourself.
you try to make us feel guily,
we "made" you shed blood,
we didnt, you chose to,
you held that bade, not us.
but yeah i get where
you're comming from,
and in that case,
you caused our scars.
what you give you get i guess.
im sorry it had to end this way.
bye.

i drew a picture?

drawing makes me feel alive.

im not full of shit,
im not up myself,
im not fake,
im not a fucking lie.
every morning i wake up,
i dont pretend to be anyone im not,
i dont wear a mask hiding the real me.
i live being true to myself.
so dont fucking tell me i dont.

i hate her shes such a bitch.
the end.

i like listening to cara play the guitar

i spent the whole day lying to you and myself.
i hate this. i want you. why did i ever let you go?

drink it away.

oh wow. i love suzie warren.

im getting kinda sick of all this abuse.

i never said that i was any better than you.

calm. the. fuck. down.

i failed at dying my hair last night,

i think it was the grossest colour ive ever seen.

but i went to the hairdresser and like $200 later its looking okay.

but they put this stuff in it...

my hair has never felt better. *orgasms*

well im sorry she chose to call me.

she was panicing and remembered something i had said once.
she never ment to hurt you, or exclude you.

i love cara,
im glad it wasnt positive,
i know life will be better this way,
she has so much potential.

i believe that you can save me.

ive been having a bit of bad luck lately.

im sick of hidding,

im sick off running,

but i dont want to be like her,

i dont want to show off my issues,

i dont want to parade my scars,

im so much better than that.

i not going to be able to sleep tonight,

but i cant tell you why.

im shaking uncontrollably,

i just want to hold her and tell her its allright.

he said that he knows that no matter what he chooses hes going to hurt one of us.
the thing that bugs me though is that he chose to hurt me, not her.
just cause shes a fucking whimp, just cause her scars are more visible than mine.
a week ago you said you fucking liked me. i hate you, i hate your lies.
well i dont care anymore, i hate you both. fuck you ass hole.

i hope kierans okay.
i really do.
i love him.

once again im fine.
fucking incecure 'n' emotional.

500 posts.

i change my mind every day.
what do i want?!

giving people my blog is a big thing for me.
i find it scary, knowing that some ones reading..
judging me. i dont even treat this like blog anymore.
to be honest i think i prefer pen and paper, its safer.

i think im in love with him,

i think a allways was.

now just to get though the mob of girls around him.

dont cry baby,

i love you.

im changing my bog url!

fondmemoriesandmeaningfulmoments

i thinkk...

haha

your such a bitch.

hope this is it.

i hope its finally over.

i should have done this yrs ago.

fuck you.

ive won. im sorry.

...
And up untill now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
Well, you are the only exception
...

I Love Katie Richardson.

The End.

this is blacky, i love her.

she listens to me when no one else will.

she says its goodbye for good,
but i doubt it. she'll be back,
just like before, bye for now.

turns out she didnt lose her baby, thats nice.
the not so nice bit is thats shes being nice to me,
yet bitchy all at the same time. oh how lovely.

ouch... you laugh at me, why would i ever tell you anthing.

they just laughed at my pain.

first libby started talking to me and wants to catch up,
and today katie txt me, she actually text me, for once she remembered me.
why are all the people i once looked up to comming back into my life now?

she lost the baby.

its weird how we are having a normal conversation

but in the back of both out minds our tempers are stirring.

i will never forget the past libby. you hurt me.

its wierd how we just forgave eachother.

because i know i can never forgive you.

things change. even if we do become friends again..

they will never go back libby. never.

i think i have an issue with stealing shit.
its like when i walk into a store i have to take something.

i guess sometimes some people make it through,
and some just fall through the cracks and get lost in the hurry.

bad day...

just remember, everyone deals with things differently..
some get angry and turn on the ones they love,
some get angry and blame themselves,
some become over sensitive and get hurt easily,
some put on a mask every day and are often the happiest people we know,
some go out looking for different ways to escape their situation,
some of them look for it in razor blades,
some poison their bodys with alcohol and drugs,
and some just want to be loved, but instead of finding real love
they allow there bodies to be abused in a desperate attempt to feel wanted.
i know someone different for every single one of them.
i wish i could help them, i wish they belived me when i said that
i loved them and that im allways here to help. trust me. i am. i know how you feel.

Everybody assumes that im so happy,
that nothing is wrong with me.
But nobody ever knows that i constantly feel like
everything is falling apart, and my insides are numb.

when i hear your name
i get an overwealming rush of feelings.
you bring tears to my eyes.
and create scars on my skin.

yes darling, but you have real boys chasing you.

its true, i allways hurt you, fail you. im never good enough.

is discussing the oh my god the people i love could die at any moment moment.

this is so true. i hated the day i realised this.

im jealous of the love you have,

hes so nice, your so pretty,

and you just seem happy when your together.
i wish i was as lucky as you.

dad keeps asking me about amelia.
he says hes worried about her.
we all know hes seen the scars.
he wants me to tell him why.
he says that he would do the same for me.
little do they know, im in the same place as her.
they are just too distracted,
too blind to notice my scars.

had a good weekend :)

is at home, finally...

high-low.
low: i went out to drink away the shit that happend today,
i came home with more shit on my mind and i still havent forgotten today.
high: the taxi driver gave us a deck cause some one left it in the taxi.

i hate school.
teachers stress me out.
and then i feel like dying.
the end.

i agree baby,

i too dont want to be in reality,

i want to forget it all.

im sick of this pain.

to be honest im kind of sick of being insulted, so if you could just stop that would be great. so yeah, thanks.

i wish these thoughts didnt still flood my mind late at night.

i guess things never really change for good.

its too late now,

ive thrown every reall chance away,

and for just a couple of stupid nights.

i hate the way i escape the truth,

cause the truth is that now im

all alone, unloved and terrified of what ill do next.

happy bithday emm bours.

i enjoyed our family dinner.

i love your family, may i please join?

i read the letter. ill miss you.

i dont know if your still going to talk to me or not.

but i really do wish you luck with the baby.

i hope life improves for you.

bye brooke.

forever les sales putes.

im just going to listen to this song on repeat and cry myself to sleep.

i dont know why,
but i can remember everything
you ever said to me.
and i believe what you said,
i dont know what it was,
but you sounded like you ment it.
ill never forget you,
even though you probably
dont even remember me.

i had to change my url :(

i hate people.

fun night, i love these people, and judes house was amazing.

i dont know why im still friends with you.
people are allways asking me.
after all the shit you've done to me.
after everything you've put me through.
all the pain you've caused me.
i still let you treat me like shit.
i still let you upset me.
why?

i really wish we got to see beth last night :(

we are going to watch the breakfastclub

together along with some more amazing movies.

sounds prety good to me ;)

youre going away for 8 whole weeks tomorrow.
i am going to miss you guys like hell.
i hope you have an amazing time.
have fun on marshmead my lovelys.

i cant believe brooke gave issy my male reproductive systems presentation.
we have the same fucking teacher. now we are both in shit for copying.
ok so lets just tell the truth. maybe brooke should think of doing that next time.
way to fuck up my rep with the teachers at mlc even more brooke. thanks.

even the wind is angry tonight.

i am going to miss her so much. 8 weeks without my baby abby :O

HI ISSY!

you know that sinking feeling you get in your stomach

when someone says something that you really didnt

want to hear? and then it just wont go away?

is she angry at me? what did i do wrong now? im sorry baby...?

i never really realised how much i enjoy watching people skate <3

had the best night. but shhh. dont tell anyone he has a gf. :I

Dear Brooke Kingsley,
to be honest im not sure if im actually hurt by what you did. or if i just feel sorry for you, i cant
believe you are that low. i never hated you, i never bitched about you, i never did anything to
hurt you. UNTILL. you started to purposefully hurt us. why would you even do that? what did
i ever do to you? im not a coward and i am definately not affraid of you. i may not be able to
punch you in the face but i hope it keeps you up at night that you caused some of these scars
oh and i wasnt talking to you because i was in fucking woop woop and had no internet.
i would never be friends with some backstabbing bitch like you, i cant believe you made that
website about issy. how could you do that to someone? even if issy hadnt told
me about the "formspring incedent" i still would have hated you. i love issy, im not as shallow
as you brooke i probably would have been friends with her even if you wernt. im friends with
everyone at mlc, whether they are "popular" or not. fuck you brooke for even saying that.
you continue to amaze me at how you can just blame it on everyone eles.

"And all of you can stop spamming me with formspring comments, complaining about things
I did to you. I did nothing to you. We were friends and I trusted you. You broke that trust so
now be prepared for the onslaught, skanks

Brooke, you broke that trust the day you started insulting me and my friends on formspring,
purposefully trying to hurt us. What kind of sick twisted person are you? do you find happiness in hurting the people that love you? dont lie to yourself brooke, you know you did shit to us,
you just addmitted it, you wrote shit on our formsprings. oh and im not scared that youll make
a website about me, you dont know much, and it will probably only make people hate you more.
youre a sick twisted bitch brooke, now i understand why so many people dont like you.

is in mildura.
dying of bordem.
im actualy going insane.
and i hope to get back to society soon.
miss and love you all <3

i room is spinning, but im lying perfectly still. i feel sick.

i cant decide whos heart i want, i need.

off to mildura tomorrow with family, funn.

oh well i will see lauryn and life will be okay.

fear rejection

want attention

crave affection

dream perfection

I LOVE CARA ISABELLA.
so much. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
i got another letter from her too.
more photos, a kiss, ribbon,
and a photocopy of her note book :)

yay cara tomorrow,
but for now lets get on
with the homework.

the holidays are almost here,
freedom is at our fingertips.

i dont remeber what its like to wake up

and not wish that yesterday was just a bad dream.

now i think about it.

i get why people call me a slut.

but i dont try to be a slut.

im not even that slutty.

just a little bit slutty :)

i want a pretty picture of me.

I'd say welcome back but this feeling isn't really welcome.

ive missed them.

i am so fucking hurt. so pissed off.
i just got abused by fucking netball coaches.
ive been on that team almost 7 yrs.
and they tell me im not comitted.
try to fucking kick me off the team.

i sent tessa a message when i got home.
ill tell you when she replies.

What the fuck Tess?? I thought you were my friend? I thought my team were my friends. Friends don’t try to fucking kick you off the team or whatever. Netball isn’t the only thing I’ve missed, I’ve missed about half a term of school and I’ve missed most of my gym too. I can’t fucking help that I’m really sick and it’s not Amelia’s fault her back is al fucked up. Didn’t you miss like a whole term of netball cause of injuries??? Did they try to kick you off your fucking team!? I doubt it. And what about Alice that was like the first game she’s played, first training? Huh? Is she committed to the team coz it looks more like she’s committed to rowing. And don’t you dare tell me off for going to ‘marshmead’. Every single fucking time I see you I remind you that I’m going and that we will have to get another player. And when I’m sick or can’t play I always try to txt you as soon as I can but I can only txt you so early if I wake up and feel I can’t get out of bed. I have ALWAYS been committed to netball, last yr too. I tried so hard last yr even when I felt all the mums were picking on me, I never ever got one of those stupid award things even when I was playing well. Never. I’ve always done my best. I’ve been on this fucking team for yrs. and every week I tried my best and I was committed. I am so hurt that you guys just told me I wasn’t committed.

Thanks for nothing.

I’ll see you at training.

i want to be. skinny. i want you to hold my waist, and tell me im beautiful.

i feel. odd.

yes i realise that "desert song" is by hilsong.
and yes i realise that is a stupid fucking christian band
but this song means alot to me, and its meaning nothing god related. :)

you have no reason not to love me.
what is your problem?
btw she sent me a letter and not you.
she said she loved me the most.
fuck you. i repulse you. bitch.
suddenly everything comes rushing back.

happy birthday brooke.

i love you. alot. i hope everything is ok.

ps. you may recive something from me in the near future.

i dont understand why people are scared of me?
are they intimidated... is this a bad thing?

i'm so sick of the insults, the accusations, the labels.