i room is spinning, but im lying perfectly still. i feel sick.

i cant decide whos heart i want, i need.

off to mildura tomorrow with family, funn.

oh well i will see lauryn and life will be okay.

fear rejection

want attention

crave affection

dream perfection

I LOVE CARA ISABELLA.
so much. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
i got another letter from her too.
more photos, a kiss, ribbon,
and a photocopy of her note book :)

yay cara tomorrow,
but for now lets get on
with the homework.

the holidays are almost here,
freedom is at our fingertips.

i dont remeber what its like to wake up

and not wish that yesterday was just a bad dream.

now i think about it.

i get why people call me a slut.

but i dont try to be a slut.

im not even that slutty.

just a little bit slutty :)

i want a pretty picture of me.

I'd say welcome back but this feeling isn't really welcome.

ive missed them.

i am so fucking hurt. so pissed off.
i just got abused by fucking netball coaches.
ive been on that team almost 7 yrs.
and they tell me im not comitted.
try to fucking kick me off the team.

i sent tessa a message when i got home.
ill tell you when she replies.

What the fuck Tess?? I thought you were my friend? I thought my team were my friends. Friends don’t try to fucking kick you off the team or whatever. Netball isn’t the only thing I’ve missed, I’ve missed about half a term of school and I’ve missed most of my gym too. I can’t fucking help that I’m really sick and it’s not Amelia’s fault her back is al fucked up. Didn’t you miss like a whole term of netball cause of injuries??? Did they try to kick you off your fucking team!? I doubt it. And what about Alice that was like the first game she’s played, first training? Huh? Is she committed to the team coz it looks more like she’s committed to rowing. And don’t you dare tell me off for going to ‘marshmead’. Every single fucking time I see you I remind you that I’m going and that we will have to get another player. And when I’m sick or can’t play I always try to txt you as soon as I can but I can only txt you so early if I wake up and feel I can’t get out of bed. I have ALWAYS been committed to netball, last yr too. I tried so hard last yr even when I felt all the mums were picking on me, I never ever got one of those stupid award things even when I was playing well. Never. I’ve always done my best. I’ve been on this fucking team for yrs. and every week I tried my best and I was committed. I am so hurt that you guys just told me I wasn’t committed.

Thanks for nothing.

I’ll see you at training.

i want to be. skinny. i want you to hold my waist, and tell me im beautiful.

i feel. odd.

yes i realise that "desert song" is by hilsong.
and yes i realise that is a stupid fucking christian band
but this song means alot to me, and its meaning nothing god related. :)

you have no reason not to love me.
what is your problem?
btw she sent me a letter and not you.
she said she loved me the most.
fuck you. i repulse you. bitch.
suddenly everything comes rushing back.

happy birthday brooke.

i love you. alot. i hope everything is ok.

ps. you may recive something from me in the near future.

i dont understand why people are scared of me?
are they intimidated... is this a bad thing?

i'm so sick of the insults, the accusations, the labels.

coughing and spluttering.

i hate the fact that i fucked up my lungs.
and now i continue to fuck them up.
even though it hurts to breathe.

i smell like him.

haha oh god... boys are such funny creatures.

ouch. that hurt. is she really your favourite?

i miss the 'butterfly group'...

im looking forward to seeing them tonight.

i enjoyed talking to you.
i kinda got upset thinking about shit.
but i was content.
and thats something i havent felt in a while.

you wouldnt survive a day in my life.
you have no idea what goes on my friends.

stop the yelling. stop the insults. stop the beeding. stop the pain.

me and brooke are going to be prostitutes together.
and we shal be called les sales putes.
it means dirty whores in french :)

i feel better now.

issy wrote on my fb wall...

i think you should be pretty happy with me right about now.
i sacrificed my life for you today.
i was on the train and some skanky lowlifes from canterbury were talking about you and were saying you were really slutty etc. and then they said you fingered your friend? anyway it sounds like theres a rumour going around that you fingered some girl. so they were sitting accross from me and i was giving them really dirty looks and i didnt think they would see me but they did and they were like 'what the hell are you staring at' and i was like 'stop talking shit about sarah stockman. you clearly dont know what your saying' then one of them was like 'you shouldnt listen in to conversations you bitch. sarah is a dirty whore.' then i said 'well you shouldnt listen to the lies about her. you dont know her. rah's amazing but your too stupid to hear that.' then they were like. 'your a bitch. we're going to ruin your rep at every school so you ...have no friends. dont mess with us.'i got off at the station then even though my friends house was ages away from there :scariest.moment.of.my.life.

OMG I HATE RUMORS!!
I DIDNT FINGER ANYONE!!! pfft.
just coz meg ollason was really drunk and then told
meg chidgy that she thought we fingered eachother.
WHICH WE DIDNT! i am not a lesbian. the end.
I AM ALSO NOT A DIRTY WHORE!!!
fuck you all.
and thank you issy. i love you and i owe you.

i dont know what it is.
but all i want to do is crawl into a ball and cry.
fuck this. i hate life.

//// i like rings and cigarettes ////

had a good day.

i like meeting new people :)

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. sigh.

i hate her. fuck off slut.

"omgg your eyes are so pretty"

no shit she edited them.

and edited them quite badly at that...

i wish..

i feel so anti-social.
i miss everyone.

400th post!

you so hate me. you dont want to know me. you dont want me to know you.

i am so terribly confused...

whats going on brooke...?

"COME BACK CARAA!!!"

bahahaha i love her. i love her so friggin much.

i pierced the top of my ear. owies. :D

she doesnt know me.
i dont care what she thinks.
i love you baby.