just some thoughts

i hadnt cut in awhile until tonight.
but tonight was harder than usuall.
something was holding me back, stopping me.
i just held the razor to my skin and then as i went to do it,
i dont know... i would just stop.
what was it?
was it just a little voice in the back of my head telling me the truth?
telling me it wouldnt really help,
that it was just a lie and that i was addicted to a kinfe.
reminding me of the pain i would feel after the relief.
or was it God telling me these things?
has he really given up on me?
would he really do that?
or is it just another lie i have forced myself to believe.
i really dont know anymore.
i dont think i can tell the difference between a lie and the truth anymore.

xx